From where am I starting? I'll state it here for you, and me. This is not about complaining about my journey to this point, but merely a statement of fact, or the documentation of a baseline, perhaps.
I grew up thin, physically active and fit, and feeling myself a part of my environment very completely. I had 3 babies in my early twenties, but lost all my "baby fat" after each one, returning to a flat stomach and pre-pregnancy weight each time. Even with 3 children, I remained physically active ... playing sports on my church leagues (softball and volleyball) and of course, running after 3 little ones.
Somewhere in my mid-twenties I began to think of myself as fat.
This wasn't always the case, but about that time this was how I began to see myself. And the weight seemed to hear my thoughts (my vibe?) and on it came! For the past 20 years my weight has fluctuated up and down, but mostly up, steady rising to numbers I don't even want to tell you (but I may, to act upon my new desire to be fully present and seen). Which brings me to today when I am hovering near the highest weight I've ever been.
I used to have a serious eating issue, consumed with thoughts of food all day, every day. I found relief in Overeaters Anonymous years ago and I've been free of those thoughts and impulsivities ever since (though I am not saying that OA was a cure for this, nor that anyone else will have the same experience I had, but rather, that it was a catalyst for my release from this obsession).
Now, I have a love affair with healthy food. I love stuff that most people don't think much of ... like vegetables, tofu, lentils, salads, but mostly vegetables. They feel so fresh and refreshing to me! I love the meditteranean cuisine and love exploring the delights of Indian, Thai and other middle-eastern dishes. I just got my first Ayurvedic cookbook and I can't wait to explore the recipes in it. My favorite drink is water ... you wouldn't believe my love affair with this beverage. I rarely think about food, often missing appropriate meal times because I am so absorbed with whatever I am doing. I love my life and am filled with endless excitement for all that my life now is.
I have always been a deeply spiritual person. I have made my spiritual growth my main objective for over 20 years. Just a few of the forms this journey has taken have been going through a seminary (The Seminary of Spiritual Peacemaking), studying the Law of Attraction, and training to be a Spiritual Coach.
So, then with years of eating well, getting lots of water and building a deep spiritual well within, why am I so overweight?
My self-assessment and personal belief system leads me to conclude that Law of Attraction and the universe have given me exactly what I was aligned with ... fat for a fat frame of mind. I have plenty of padding ... to stay invisible while I did a whole lot of spiritual journeying? Seems likely. Throw in a couple of car accidents that made my body want to steer clear of exercise (it hurt, and I often hurt myself more by trying to force it) and the choices I made and the thoughts I thought just confirmed over and over again that my body wasn't on the Thin-and-Fit track.
But something happened recently that has changed all that. After years of trying to find my way to feel thin and get thin (through law of attraction exercises and playwork), one day recently something inside of me just flipped on. It could be that I reached critical mass with all the things I'd been doing to heal this aspect of myself, but whatever it was, I knew right away that something had changed and I felt like a part of me that had been gone for a long time had finally come home.
This turning point happened while I was on a trip a couple of weeks ago, and to date I have released 7 pounds. I haven't changed a thing that I can identify. I eat the same. I haven't started to exercise yet. I've even had wine and chocolate (thanks to some lovely friends who visited recently).
So, given all that has been happening recently, I thought I would begin to document my journey to see if I can trace what is happening. Perhaps the journaling of my adventure will illuminate, for me and you, what's really woven into a journey of this kind. I decided to allow myself to be transparent ... to bare my thoughts, feelings and actions here for all to see, especially me.
I can't promise anything about where this journey will take us or what we shall gain from it, but for what it's worth, I'm showing up and embracing this adventure for all it is worth. I hope you'll join me here often and that you find some measure of peace or other substance you can extract to beautify your own journey.
Thanks for visiting!
Blessed Be,
CJ
I grew up thin, physically active and fit, and feeling myself a part of my environment very completely. I had 3 babies in my early twenties, but lost all my "baby fat" after each one, returning to a flat stomach and pre-pregnancy weight each time. Even with 3 children, I remained physically active ... playing sports on my church leagues (softball and volleyball) and of course, running after 3 little ones.
Somewhere in my mid-twenties I began to think of myself as fat.
This wasn't always the case, but about that time this was how I began to see myself. And the weight seemed to hear my thoughts (my vibe?) and on it came! For the past 20 years my weight has fluctuated up and down, but mostly up, steady rising to numbers I don't even want to tell you (but I may, to act upon my new desire to be fully present and seen). Which brings me to today when I am hovering near the highest weight I've ever been.
I used to have a serious eating issue, consumed with thoughts of food all day, every day. I found relief in Overeaters Anonymous years ago and I've been free of those thoughts and impulsivities ever since (though I am not saying that OA was a cure for this, nor that anyone else will have the same experience I had, but rather, that it was a catalyst for my release from this obsession).
Now, I have a love affair with healthy food. I love stuff that most people don't think much of ... like vegetables, tofu, lentils, salads, but mostly vegetables. They feel so fresh and refreshing to me! I love the meditteranean cuisine and love exploring the delights of Indian, Thai and other middle-eastern dishes. I just got my first Ayurvedic cookbook and I can't wait to explore the recipes in it. My favorite drink is water ... you wouldn't believe my love affair with this beverage. I rarely think about food, often missing appropriate meal times because I am so absorbed with whatever I am doing. I love my life and am filled with endless excitement for all that my life now is.
I have always been a deeply spiritual person. I have made my spiritual growth my main objective for over 20 years. Just a few of the forms this journey has taken have been going through a seminary (The Seminary of Spiritual Peacemaking), studying the Law of Attraction, and training to be a Spiritual Coach.
So, then with years of eating well, getting lots of water and building a deep spiritual well within, why am I so overweight?
My self-assessment and personal belief system leads me to conclude that Law of Attraction and the universe have given me exactly what I was aligned with ... fat for a fat frame of mind. I have plenty of padding ... to stay invisible while I did a whole lot of spiritual journeying? Seems likely. Throw in a couple of car accidents that made my body want to steer clear of exercise (it hurt, and I often hurt myself more by trying to force it) and the choices I made and the thoughts I thought just confirmed over and over again that my body wasn't on the Thin-and-Fit track.
But something happened recently that has changed all that. After years of trying to find my way to feel thin and get thin (through law of attraction exercises and playwork), one day recently something inside of me just flipped on. It could be that I reached critical mass with all the things I'd been doing to heal this aspect of myself, but whatever it was, I knew right away that something had changed and I felt like a part of me that had been gone for a long time had finally come home.
This turning point happened while I was on a trip a couple of weeks ago, and to date I have released 7 pounds. I haven't changed a thing that I can identify. I eat the same. I haven't started to exercise yet. I've even had wine and chocolate (thanks to some lovely friends who visited recently).
So, given all that has been happening recently, I thought I would begin to document my journey to see if I can trace what is happening. Perhaps the journaling of my adventure will illuminate, for me and you, what's really woven into a journey of this kind. I decided to allow myself to be transparent ... to bare my thoughts, feelings and actions here for all to see, especially me.
I can't promise anything about where this journey will take us or what we shall gain from it, but for what it's worth, I'm showing up and embracing this adventure for all it is worth. I hope you'll join me here often and that you find some measure of peace or other substance you can extract to beautify your own journey.
Thanks for visiting!
Blessed Be,
CJ
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